Girlfriends

     I started my day off today with some reading and blogging and music-listening, and around 3:30 I went to see Cars 2 with my family. It was a very cute movie! We went to Dairy Queen afterward and I really had a great time! A good friend of mine then picked me up from the "restaurant," (if you can call it that?? Fast food place...) and we met a sweet pal of ours at the movies to see the new Transformers movie. I liked it so much more than the other movies! I haven't seen the first one in a while so I don't remember how I liked it, but I do know that I liked it a lot more than the second and third movies. After the movie we decided to go to Wal-Mart and pick up some ice cream and a few spoons and hang out for a little bit. We (Hannah...) purchased Blue Bunny's Blackberry Cobbler ice cream and a pack of three metal spoons- nothing special- and took them out to Alex's car. We sat with the windows down and laughed about Camaros and parenting and teenagers as we stuffed our faces with that frozen yum. We then decided to make it a monthly tradition, and along with the other two, I do hope we stick to it. I enjoyed myself a lot and was just very happy to have that time with them both. Time with friends is always wonderful, but a time like that with a very small group of girlfriends is one of the greatest blessings and will definitely make for fabulous memories. Alex took me home once we decided it was time to depart so curfews would not be broken, and we talked the whole way back. We spoke about our beliefs and the Bible and fellow believers and particular books of the Bible and ways God has been speaking to us. We ended the ride, the discussion, and the night together by landing on the idea of reading Esther together and going over it. I am very excited to see what God has in store for us as individuals and I'm glad for my friendship with those two lovely ladies. Goodnight, everyone!! 

Segment From Mark 4

     "Again Jesus began teaching by the lake. A great crowd gathered around him, so he sat down in a boat near the shore. All the people stayed on the shore close to the water. Jesus taught them many things, using stories. He said, 
     'Listen! A farmer went out to plant his seed. While he was planting, some seed fell by the road, and the birds came and ate it up. Some seed fell on rocky ground where there wasn't much dirt. That seed grew very fast, because the ground was not deep. But when the sun rose, the plants dried up because they did not have deep roots. Some other seed fell among thorny weeds, which grew and choked the good plants. So those plants did not produce a crop. Some other seed fell on good ground and began to grow. It got taller and produced a crop. Some plants made thirty times more, some made sixty times more, and some made a hundred times more.' Then Jesus said to them, 'Let those with ears use them and listen!' 
     Later, when Jesus was alone, the twelve apostles and others around him asked him about the stories. Jesus said,
     'You can know the secret about the kingdom of God. But to other people I tell everything by using stories so that: They will look and look, but they will not learn. They will listen and listen, but they will not understand. If they did learn and understand, they would come back to me and be forgiven. (Isaiah 6:9-10) 
     Then Jesus said to His followers, 
     'Don't you understand this story? If you don't, how will you understand any story?'" 


Jesus then goes on to explain what the story means. I was reading this passage this morning and when I came to the story about the farmer and his seeds, I read through it quickly and didn't really think about it when I read. Directly proceeding the story, Jesus says, "'Let those with ears use them and listen!'" The translation of the Bible that I have right now is The New Century Version, so the usual, "Let those who have ears hear," commonly heard is not used like it's remembered regularly. I don't particularly like this version that I have and am planning to purchase a new Bible sometime very soon, but the Word of God is powerful and the Holy Spirit will speak one way or the other, no matter the translation (unless of course His words are taken away from or twisted, but in what I have read so far, that isn't the case.). Anyway, I read the story and read what Jesus had to say directly after and thought, "Wow, powerful." But I did not actually think about the story itself. I then thought about Jesus's telling me to hear/listen and was convicted for not thinking about the story. I knew what it meant because it's been taught in Sunday School seemingly every couple weeks as I've grown up. But was I really thinking about it for myself? I've thought about it before, but I was so disgusted with myself then. I am constantly asking other people to actually think and rethink about what they say or what I say or what others around them say, and I wasn't thinking about what Jesus Christ was saying. Even if I knew or know what was being said, that doesn't excuse the lack of thought and the laziness that sank into my head. Before I even knew it I was living out the very meaning of hypocrisy. Praise Christ for the Holy Spirit!  
     I see so many people whose lives reflect the seeds that do not grow at all or the seeds who grow and die shortly after. My heart's desire is to be the seed that falls on the good ground and flourishes. Though my heart and its desires may seem important, they are not unless I allow God to use and to change and to shape them. God must, "be grace in me," as I heard in a sermon from Louie Giglio a couple weeks ago. That has to be our continual prayer: Holy God, Heavenly Father, be grace in me. If you enjoyed reading this in the slightest or were intrigued in any way, I would appreciate it greatly if you responded and told me what you thought. Have a wonderful day! 

Track 06

     Peace is such a strange thing, and it takes many different forms. A summer's day, a calming song, a sweet dance. A classic book, a full embrace, a long-awaited bride, a dream of comfort. A smile behind tearsyears, a distant hope on its way. And it's all we want. A life of pain would be our sole desire if it meant peace would somehow find us. And it's such a comfort, such a joy when it's finally within our grasp, ready to be consumed by our fickle and unsatisfied longings... Since we know it just has to be said somewhere that it is our belonging; we must be entitled to it. 


Just a little something I wrote! I'm interested in hearing your views. 

Anonymous (Looking In All the Wrong Areas)

     I'm looking for an inspiration, something that'll shape me. I'm finding a blank stare, a grand expectation turned to utter disappointment. I'm going for a train that'll take me anywhere but here, a train to cross some forests and those mountains and the barriers and these cities and a sea; I'm running from that man yonder, that boy holding my heart. I lost it some time ago, but the story's not like you think. It was taken by force, by unknown force, making naive terror, making me fall apart,
     by that fool yonder holding my heart. 
How's this for inspiration? I don't think it's too catching, don't think it's of a peaceful conductor. 
     So I'll climb in this coal carrier, I'll shoot for away. 
                                                                                         far 
     That song on yonder, that sword far on; 
     How's this for unfinished, how's it for the piercing ending hoped for? 
     Well I was done with hope a long time ago, I was through hoping way, way over yonder. So forgive me if the train runs you over, I've forgiven it(')s leaving me behind. 
     I'm going for that collection of carts, one that'll take me anywhere but here. 

"I Have a Tickle In My Brain,"

     Okay, I am just going to share this little adventure that I had the other day! It was pretty exciting, in my opinion. So, a few weeks ago a young woman about my age commented on one of my posts, asking me to check out her blog. I did out of curiosity and found that I enjoy it quite a bit. We have not had any contact with each other, just reading each girl's thoughts, which is very nice! I was skimming a few days ago and found this quotation, "I have a tickle in my brain. And it keeps making the corners of my mouth point toward the heavens." I read that and automatically loved it, and when I read that it was from a "Jeb Dickerson," I figured I may as well follow the curiosity that was arousing in my mind. I guess I just wanted to know who this man was, what the context of the quotation was, and if "Tori" had just stumbled on it by chance, as I was doing. I googled the name and after a few clicks, I was brought to a website by the name of, "howtomatter.com." I do not know what it is exactly, but it seems to be some kind of website started by this, "Jeb Dickerson," to help people start their own websites or blogs and the such. I would encourage you to check it out and just read his, "About," section. Anyway, I saw a section entitled, "Quotes," and thought, Oh! This may be what I'm looking for! I checked it out and read many things that made me smile and many that made me just sit and think for a minute. I finally found the one I was looking for and felt very accomplished and content with the journey I had just completed. I saw at the very bottom of the page an area in which I could comment and saw that others had commented already, so I decided to leave a brief comment explaining my adventure and thanking "Jeb," for the smile he brought my day! I was pleasantly surprised with the different quotes that I read from him and with the information he gave on his website, which I was and am completely uninterested in. Mr. Dickerson also left a comment proceeding mine that made me very glad! He said, 

     "Hi Emily, 

That's the way it often goes online...reading one thing inspires a curiosity that leads to something else, and so on. I'm grateful you kept at it and found me. As for the context of that quote, I wish I could recall, but as with much of my writing, it came from a unique and fleeting thought that has long been forgotten. But if it resonates with you, or anyone else, at any moment along your path, then I count it a success. Thanks so much for taking the time." 

     Curiosity is such a beautiful thing. I don't mean it in its usual, "Curiosity killed the cat," form. I believe that is just being nosy. Being nosy killed the cat. Curiosity would've sparked something in him to do something better with himself. Then again, he's just a cat. So maybe this should only apply to people. Google brought me to a few definitions of the word according to Webster, one being, "the desire to know." That leans a little more to the "nosy" side. Next! Wikipedia shares,

      "Curiosity is an emotion related to natural inquisitive behavior such as exploration, investigation, and learning, evident by observation in human and many animal species. The term can also be used to denote the behavior itself being caused by the emotion of curiosity." 

     So, maybe one would need more information to get a better opinion on "curiosity." I currently stand on the believing side that curiosity is a fantastic and beautiful thing. Once that natural tendency to have the desire to learn and to know steps past boundaries of the beauty and into the selfish part, it then becomes "nosiness," a negative trait or thing. But also, isn't that how everything is? Once we as sinners step into selfishness, the beauty and goodness of God is distorted into sin. We twist it. Satan twists it. My dad and I actually had a conversation about what I was just referring to a few days ago! It was an enjoyable conversation. Anyway, I think I am going to cease my rambling. I am grateful to and amused by anyone who read through to the end of this, and I honestly wish I could have put more time and thought into this to make it smooth and a pretty darn good thing to go over. Ah, well. Have a fabulous night, anyone reading, and thank you for your time. 

I Just Want It to Be Over

I just want it to be over. What exactly, I am not sure. Life, no: There's so much to do. Pain? No, there's so much to learn. Disagreement... No. There's so much to be said. 


But at the same time, I am tired of doing. I am tired of trying and failing and no one seeing my efforts. In the same way, I am weary of the grief and stress and hurt and fear thrust upon me. I barely am able to hold my head up these days, and I'm sick of being weak. While this is all occurring, I'm just so longing for some silence. I yearn for a day when the people around me are quiet long enough to hear the sounds they've forgotten even were. I am ready to see the time in which I can hear my thoughts clearly, not quite a whisper, but like it. I want the selfishness gone and an appreciation for things so sweet to be ignited in not just the heart of man, but the mind of this world.

I Find Myself

     I find myself gazing out this window as if it will bring you back to me. I find myself steering me away from you to keep myself from allowing you to see me. I find myself dreaming up plans in hopes of their finding themselves and in hopes of their peering out of these cracks, and I'm finding myself watching these backs in a dream of them turning back to face me. I'm finding these wounds from your words in which I never saw, in which I never heard, but believe me: they're stabbing. Believe me, just 
     Don't leave me. 

I Want To Be Someone You Trust

     I want to be someone you trust. And... I don't know. I don't know how to get my thoughts out this time. No matter how much I write and tweak the usage of my words... No matter how much I cry and deprive myself of this sleep that I seek to give my body the energy needed to keep going like I'm surviving every time I look at you... No matter how much I run and run and run and scream that I CAN'T DO THIS. No matter how much I ask someone, anyone, to just help me... No matter what, it won't be enough. I'd surely fall if You weren't with me. The writing and the running and the pleading and the crying and the screaming and the waiting won't do a thing but exhaust this heart and this soul and this little mind. 

     I am finite. 

     I'd surely fall if You didn't introduce me to these people of comfort. I'd surely 

     fall. I've fallen and I'm falling and I can't even raise my head to see how far I'm dropping. I'm falling and I'm falling and it's this feeling I have come to know. I'm falling and falling and I can't find my oh so quiet voice to scream. I'm falling and I can't see how much longer there is to          fall. I'm falling and falling and falling because 

     I am finite. 

I'm falling and falling and falling and falling and 

     You catch me. 

     Your infinite arms hold me. 

     Your infinite eyes see me. 

     Your love captures me. 

     They're falling and falling and I can't do a thing but ask You to help them... to catch them... to hold them... to see them. 

     They're 

                      falling and I must tell them. 

Track 05

I need something new; restore me. 
I can't be broken, I'm still shaken. 
Run 
run. 
Please, just help me run. 
Stun 


stun. 
(Please, just leave me stun)ned. 

Track 04

    It's stitched together, it's stuck together, it's        forced? together


    It        doesn't make much sense, but really, what does? Not me, not my thoughts. Not you, not your actions. 
    You cram inside and hope you'll find room. Can't you think? 
                                                                                                                  feel? 
                                                                                                                  see? 
                                                                                                                  relate? 
    I want it new. Is this the same? I wonder if you can still call 
                                                                        this           beauty. . . 
                                                                        me 


    I've always been terrible with thethese endings and goodbyes. 

Time

time time time time 
destroy your clocks and 
demolish your watches. 
time time time time 
reason and 
love and 
create and 
restore. 
time time time time
time is our god. 
it is in our God's 
time. 

Want

Want, want, 
little want. 
Consuming want, 
fresh desire. 
It's a hurting want and it's 
temporary. 
It's a needed want, a wanting want, a want that never ends. 
Want, want, 
tragic want. 
This want in itself doesn't hurt, but help. 
It's a want unwanted to stop. 
This is a that's wanted greatly, mostly. 
This want, this desire, this 
(un) satisfying       gap... 

Birthday

Well, it's my birthday!! I plan to do something with my family, but I don't know if I'll wait for all of my friends to be in town to have a get-together with them or not. That's probably what I'm going to do. I'm also getting a laptop from my parents! 


 I wish I didn't expect a birthday party... I wish I didn't expect gifts or anything on my "special day." We often say, "Oh, you didn't have to get me anything," or "I don't expect any gifts this year." But honestly, think about it. If someone didn't throw most of us parties, we would be hurt. If we didn't get that special cake or ice cream with a new pair of shoes, we'd be disappointed. I do that. And I wish I didn't. But how do you train yourself not to? I'm still thinking about that question and its answer. 


 It feels no different being sixteen. I remember thinking two or three years ago, "I cannot stand how teenagers always want to be OLDER. Why can't people just be happy where they are? They're still kids, anyway. I'll be satisfied when I turn fifteen, dangit." I still think people should be satisfied where we are, and I believe I'm still a kid (and will be until I'm twenty... But I'll still be immature then, I know.), but I wish to be older. I feel like a baby, but it's okay! I won't wish my life away, as they say. Whoever "they" are. People in general, I'm guessing. Or sayings. Whatever. 


 This post is of very low importance, but I figured I should say something, anything, since I "only turn sixteen once." I find all of this humorous, though, myself included. 


 My sweet mother and brother had me take off work early today so that I don't have to work all day on my birthday, which is thoughtful. And I am grateful! 


 I have always said that I would use my "sweet sixteen" as an excuse to throw a huge party, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe I will, but then again, maybe I won't. I'm not really one for parties anymore, anyway. 


 Well, now I will leave you, readers, with a few random wise words (not from myself, of course). 


 Whatever God has called to happen to you, it is to make you more and more like Christ, and He is worth it. 


 Have a great day, and I hope it's not as jumbled as this. But if it is, I hope you learn from it, and I hope you enjoy it at its end. 

This Is Beauty. You Are Beauty.

Do You find my love for You beautiful? Please do, please accept it as this offering. All I can rightfully give You is myself, dear King. I will be Your faithful servant, made strong and courageous by Your omniscient being and perfect love and grace.
I long to give You whatall I have. I am forever grateful, eternally Yours. Turn my hurt to beauty made complete by You. My heart and soul cry out to know You, to hear You, to feel You, to see You. I dream of You. My heart and soul cry out Your glory; let my life reflect You.


You fill my life with passion, with care, with love. You fill my life with a passion for care and for love. I long to be beautiful in Your sight, dear God.
Thank You.

Purvis

I hardly know you, so how torn can I be?
It isn't if I know you like my voice, it is that I know you.
I've known you all my life, since I was a small child.
So how much can I not know you?
The degree of this isn't the matter, but it is this: it is that I know you.
It isn't if I know you like my little hands, or even my tiny footsteps. It is that I know you.
It is that you've been carved into my heart, onto my heart, and into my life.
It is that I do know you, and that I love you.
So seeing you go is hard, seeing you leave like this is mighty difficult.
But I'll hold this head high, knowing it is what you'll want when you are gone.
And I'm comforted by the sweet assurance that I will see your face again, and that I


do know you.

Lord, Provide

My life feels a tragedy. In a hell of my own, sick of waiting. This night is so cold, so long, so fierce. Only the strong finish with pieces left. I fear all will be gone, or I'll be stuck here for always.


   But You promised me forever, and I'm believing Your name. Oh, this night is covered. A sheet I can't remove, lifting it is too much. Take this burden, make it Yours to keep. Do away with this, or do away with me.


  This life seems a game, always hoping for more. I can not hope any longer. Jesus, take me in Your arms. Hold me through this darkness. I'm staying with You, so comfort me. Give me rest, give me peace. I am weary and freezing, losing my life.


  You promised me forever, and I'm believing Your name. Oh, this night is covered. A sheet I cant remove, lifting is too much. Take my burdens, make them Yours to keep. You'll do away with them, or do away with me.


  This life is a testimony, though in the making. The storm will pass on, and the night grow to day. Heaven is my future, an eternity with You. No more sorrow, no more pain. You'll bring me out alive, though my world is falling. But it is as I know it, and I trust there is light peeking over. 


  You promised me forever, with You forever I will stay. Take my burdens and my life, and shine through me. Do away with my sadness. I am Yours forever. Forever Yours, Jesus, now hold me through the night. 

If I

If          I          walk, 

If          I          sing, 

If          I          run, 

will you join me? 

Until          I          walk, 

Until          I          sing, 

Until          I          run, 

will you join me? 

After          I          walk, 

After          I          sing,

After          I          run, 

will you join me?

When          I          walk, 

When          I          sing, 

When          I          run, 

will you join me?

Or will you just be with me?




Please let me know what you think of when you read this. I'm doing a little experiment for my own delight and it needs verbal reactions/responses. One of my friends read this and asked me, "Is this referring to Heaven?" Heaven was not my inspiration, but I LOVED THAT. I still do. I honestly thought of many different things when writing this. There are numerous possibilities, but Heaven was not one that I had even considered. I love that each person has his own way of perceiving things. Okay, please let me know, and have a good day, all :)

Track 03

    His power is great and His love is changing. 

    Come speak to me and show me Your might. Hold me, lift me, shift my face in Your direction. 

    Bring on the conviction and mold me to be Your vessel. 

    Show me beauty and knowledge, show me what they truly are. 

                                                                                                      You                

    

    Keep me and guide me and don't hide Your gentle spirit, oh my God. 

    I want to serve and I want to learn. I need to. 

                                                                                          You.                                  

    

    I see to. o                                                         

             k                                                                  

               You.                                                                   

   

    This can't be all; I know it's not. I'm reaching, I'm running, I'm climbing and finding 

  

You.