Darrell the Ghost (Written by Penny Hickenbothom)

I recently found an author of adorable and quirky short stories named Penny Hickenbothom. She writes in an almost amateur way, child-like and creative, slightly reminding me of an author by the name of Barbara Park. Park wrote a series called Junie B. Jones, and when I was younger I read that series religiously. I still love the books a ton. Anyhow, I'd like to share a couple of Ms. Hickenbothom's stories with you. The first is entitled, "Darrell the Ghost." Enjoy!

     Darrell is a ghost. He lives on the twenty-fourth floor of the second tallest building in the ninth largest city in the United States. Down in the floor underneath Darrell's floor lives a little boy who is nine and three quarters and is so excited because he knows that soon he will be ten years old! He will pretty much be all grown up. Sometimes though, the little boy doesn't feel grown up. Especially when he's trying to go to sleep. It's not the boy's fault though- really! Darrell likes to float in and fly around his room and whisper and make funny noises, and it really scares the little boy. Normally the little boy gets under the covers and talks to himself until he passes out, but one night he decided that enough was enough. Darrell was not going to bother him anymore! So he waited, and when Darrell came to him, the little boy told him that he wasn't going to let him scare him anymore. Well, Darrell didn't like that. He started screaming and wailing and just being a big 'ole meanie. So the little boy did the only thing he knew to do: he went and got his dad. Maybe- maybe he was too old to get in bed with his parents, but he knew he wasn't too old for his dad to come. So he ran to his dad's room and said,
     "Daddy, there's a mean ghost in my room and I can't go to sleep..." So his dad got up and went and sat with his little son.
     The dad sat and talked to his boy and told him stories about when he was a little boy and how his dad would rub his head and talk to him, and then his dad told him about how strong he is, and then, because the boy was still awake, the dad began to sing to him in his deep, baritone voice. Maybe it was the nice, calming tune, or maybe it was the sound of his father's voice, but the little boy knew that the feel of his father's low humming rumbling against his ear was the most warm and relaxing feeling, and soon the boy was sound-asleep. The boy's dad then slipped away to his warm room and thought of his own dad... And while everyone slipped into their dreams, Darrell just sat and smiled.

This next story didn't appear to have a title, so I'll just present the goods!

     There is a big building in which children come to learn every single day. We come because we're told that attendance is crucial for our future, because our parents expect it- but mostly because if we don't, we will be punished by death! Going into this building would not be so awful in itself except the building has no windows. Apparently windows promote daydreaming, which leads to time being wasted... That's something that I've always had trouble coming to full grips with. My day dreams are my freedom to a deeper level of my mind: an avenue into my soul. So I dream. It was quite an amazing discovery one day to find that the bathroom in the hallway of the top floor had a stall at the end with a ginormous window! It was locked shut and the glass was fogged over, so even though it allowed in light, staring out wasn't an option. Sitting there feeling more distressed than ever before, I'd noticed the locks were very rusty. It took no strength at all to get the window open! Immediately a gust of clean, unfiltered, invisible air teared my eyes and brushed my face! Opening it more, I could see a field with two or three trees blowing gently, showing no resistance to what the breeze demanded of them. My eyes were as wide as I could make them, trying to get as much of this sight in as I could possibly pull through that window. It didn't feel like I was stealing the sight; it was more like I was sharing with the life outside of this hard building. Realizing I had no more time, I pulled my pants up, and like many other eight year old boys, I forgot to zip them properly. Rushing into my art class, my evil art teacher showed me one of her terrible faces and proceeded to yell as the whole class could hear what she said... That is all but me. Seeing that sight was all I needed! I was addicted to that one breath of freedom far from that cold art classroom. The paint colors were pale and left wanting. As soon as class was over I ran back to that bathroom. I know, it's just school! Why couldn't I have just waited 'til school was over? Because as an eight year old, seven hours of school felt like an entire period of seven days! Well after a couple of weeks of my sneaking off, my friends got suspicious. They followed me one day, and when they discovered what I was doing, they tried to stop me, but quickly I realized that they wanted in. Now by this time I had made myself a little home in that stall! The toilet was replaced by a bean bag chair, the walls had been painted a nice green, and I kept a candle burning at all times. I was hesitant to share my slice of heaven with my friends, mostly because of all I had done to make it mine.
     Who am I to keep this window from them? I thought. So I began to allow them time to stare and daydream to their hearts' desire!- for one quarter every minute. This I did feel bad about, but candles are not cheap! Sadly, things don't last forever. One day I went to my beloved double wide bathroom stall with a window to find it was locked. What! Nobody uses this without my permission! I waited and waited, for like fifteen seconds, and then I knocked. I heard a flush and out wheeled a handicapped kid. He had a smirk on his face!
     "What are you smiling about, rolly!" He wheezed and then just pointed. My stall had been changed back to how it was when I found it. Except one thing: the window was boarded up!
     "No!" I screamed. The handicapped kid cackled and did donuts in his chair. My friends and evil teacher ran in and all started laughing at me and calling me names, so I quickly stuffed toilet paper in all the toilets, flooded them, and broke through the window! The fall was painful, but the sweetness of freedom was better! I made it away and lived in a tree fort! Eventually some of my friends joined me. Rumor was that rolly drowned that day. I didn't care. I was free to daydream all day long!

I watched this a few months ago and I was in love. This is too funny.

Now there's a second one. Watch and enjoy. I laughed forever.

          If flowers could talk and the lame could walk, I think the world would consistently smile. We'd dance more and learn more and on no account focus exclusively upon ourselves.

          When I was smaller than I am now, I wished my dolls could speak. I wanted them to convey what they thought of me and to twirl around with me because worries are so silly. One day I woke up and comprehended that not all things can be so light, and I began to mimic my mother's fears. I did not yet know why I should be afraid, but I wanted to worry because that was the thing to do. I do not blame my mother or my father or my teachers or my peers; I just wanted to be like them, and to be liked by them, and for some reason I got it in my head that no one wants a child as a friend. So I tried to grow up, and when I tried to grow up I got caught in that odd mix of desiring after innocent things and craving the things I did not understand. After some time, though, I began to understand those things. It was bound to happen, but I really have spent a lot of my life since speculating how situations may have been different if I had just let myself figure stuff out on my own. Life gets fast and there's nothing we can do about it. 

          Anyway, I believe sometimes it is healthy to dream. Not to worry or lust or envy or even strive, but to just sit and think. I don't want to spend time thinking of how matters may have gone differently, but I want to be a child again some; hence, some afternoons I like to sit in my room and literally stare at my wall. I'll get a pen and my notebook and write about things you'd expect from an eight year old. My childhood was cut off early, but do not pity me. It is so in these times that most everyone's is, and we learn to learn and that is that. 

         
          I've always enjoyed thinking, and the older I've gotten probably the less I do it and the more I want to. I also want as I grow to make other people think, and it's sort of become a hobby and a cycle. 

          When I was about five years old, I truly believed with my whole heart that the world would be a better place if everything was a cartoon. People would not be, obviously (humorously), but my bed would be! The trees would have leaves you could use as fleece coverings, and my bed would be the brightest pink a person could ever experience! It's the bounciest bed of all, and my parents let me jump on it routinely before I lie down to rest at night. When I sleep I have dreams that come true, but only when I want them so. I can read minds and everyone enjoys me. We have many somethings syrupy throughout the day and I climb trees the size of mountains with skill and quickness. I run at speeds people can hardly comprehend, and I can be by myself whenever I want to be. But when I want a buddy, I don't even snap my fingers before he or she is planning fun for the two of us right next to me. I'm never wrong, I'm never disappointed, and some days I live in the ocean. All the boys in the world are handsome and witty but don't make me feel embarrassed at all. They're impressed when I beat them in sword fights or run faster than them, and the other girls are not jealous: they have their own boys who are less cute than the ones I surround myself with- and they're content. I don't get nervous that much and I'm allowed to dance all the time. I can also talk as much as I want when I want, but the world doesn't revolve around me. 

          Several of the reveries listed are things I no longer want. I have new dreams to replace them. My dreams are less selfish now, yet my actions are not. The way that time affects us is the strangest thing I've ever come into contact with. 

"O, My Luve's Like a Red, Red Rose,"

This song is beautiful- no other way to describe it, really. I figure I also should add some pictures (definitely NOT taken by me) of some people that I just thought were pretty, too. Enjoy the song as much as I did!

                             This is my aunt and uncle who were recently married!

                   An old friend-of-mine's brother and his wife on their wedding day.

Is this allowed? I humorously know these people as strangers. I stumbled upon the picture one day and loved it, so I share.  

Oh, I Just Like to Think

“I passed by the field of the sluggard and by the vineyard of the man lacking sense. And behold, it was completely overgrown with thistles; its surface was covered with nettles and its stone wall was broken down. When I saw, I reflected upon it; I looked, and I received instruction. ‘A little sleep, a little slumber. A little folding of the hands to rest,’ then your poverty will come as a robber and your want like an armed man.”

I read this today and thought it was good word to share. This is an old wise word, very true, and so timeless. I love that the man speaking says that when he saw what the lack of work by the lazy man had produced, he reflected upon it- it says he looked and he received instruction.

          Lately God has been speaking to me a lot concerning wisdom. My parents and my grandparents have told me for years that a great thing to read from each day is the book of proverbs listed in the Bible. The passage I pointed out above is one that I read this afternoon. Anyway, the man in the passage says that he learned from the reflection of another man’s calamity.  It is not that he saw the trouble this guy had brought upon himself and chuckled or said, “I am so glad I’m not so stupid. . .”

He later says that the sluggard (lazy man; just think of the “slug”) thought he’d rest and follow that with a get-back to work, but what the bum didn’t realize is that the moment he thought that, he set himself up for poverty, and he wasn’t going to be satisfied again (“your poverty will come as a robber and your want [will come] like an armed man.”). I love the way of writing the author uses! But beyond that, I love the message we see in this simple clip from the book. (These verses are in the 24^th chapter, starting at 30 and ended at 34.) The proverbs talk about “getting wisdom and understanding” constantly, and it’s a lesson we all need to “get” and be reminded of daily.

          I may as well add another thing that I read and enjoyed immensely while I’m rambling a bit. It’s found a few verses before the one I pointed out before, and it reads, “Prepare your work outside and make it ready for yourself in the field; afterwards, then, build your house.” I’m sure that this verse can be translated and interpreted in a couple different ways, but the general message is constant and may be applied to several circumstances. When I read this I thought of myself growing up. I thought of how excited I am to get done with high school and get done with college and follow my dreams. I thought of my futuristic husband and family, too. I am called by God to children, and I would love so much to marry one day and have a husband and children of my own. My husband will be the leader of our home, and he will lead me as well as my children. Though it will be our home, and though he will be the head, this verse reminds me of the importance of wisdom and maturity throughout my life; I mustn’t wait for a spouse or old age or more responsibilities and “greater” responsibilities to practice wisdom, maturity, and self-control.  While God prepares me and is my strength, I have to work with Him. I need to make sacrifices and discipline myself if I want Him to use me the way He intends. I am so excited to see what He does in my life and in the lives of those around me, and verses like these whisper in my heart and scream in my ears to pay attention. I would love to hear any thoughts you had while reading or after reading this! I would even love just to hear some of what God is doing in your life. I’ll listen if you’re open! Have a great evening!! 

This Is Crazy Stuff.

    Everyone should read this! Great warning and strong, poetic words for you. (I didn't write it!)

    My son, keep my words and treasure my commandments within you. Keep these commandments and live, and keep my teaching as the apple of your eye. Bind them on your fingers; write them on your heart. 
    Say to Wisdom, "You are my sister," and call Understanding your intimate friend, that they may keep you from the adulteress and from the foreigner who flatters with her words. 
    At the window of my house I looked out through my lattice, and I saw walking among the naive and discerned of the youths a young man lacking sense, passing through the street near her corner.
    He takes the way to her house in the twilight, in the evening, in the middle of the night and in the darkness. 
    And behold, a woman comes to meet him, dressed as a harlot and cunning of heart. She is boisterous and rebellious; her feet do not remain at home. She is now in the streets, in the squares, and lurks by ever corner. 
    So she seizes him and kisses him, and with a brazen face she says to him, "I was due to offer peace offerings and today I have paid my vows. Therefore I have come out to meet you, to seek your presence earnestly, and I have found you! I've spread my couch with coverings, with colored linens from Egypt; I've sprinkled my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon; Come, let us drink our fill of love until morning- let us delight ourselves with caresses, for my husband is not at home. He has gone on a long journey and taken a bag of money with him, and at the full moon he will come home." 
    She entices him with her many persuasions and with her flattering lips she seduces him. He suddenly follows her as an ox goes to the slaughter or as one in fetters to the discipline of a fool, until an arrow pierces through his liver. As a bird hastens to the snare, so he does not know that it will cost him his life. 
    Now therefore, my sons, listen to me! Pay attention to the words of my mouth. Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, do not stray in her paths. For many are the victims she has cast down, and numerous are all her slain. Her house is the way to the grave, descending to the chambers of death. 
    Does Wisdom not call, and Understanding lift up her voice? 

Sorry!

    Okay, I am so sorry about leaving anybody and everybody that reads this hanging! The Esther was taking up time and I didn't want to cut into the middle of it anytime I desired to post something new, but it's been so long that I think I'm just going to have to tell y'all to read Esther on your own... It's easy!! You should read it because school has started so I am very busy and don't have much time to add to this. I may come back to it eventually. I have several chapters halfway or almost completed. 

    My English teacher gave us an assignment a couple weeks ago to write a five paragraph essay on "character." I wrote mine and finished all of the touch-ups yesterday and would really like to share it with you! Let me know how you like or dislike it, please! I'd really appreciate it. Have a wonderful day. 

          “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” These statements are ironic in more than one way, the first due to society’s generally and popularly perceived thoughts on the word. A character can be one in a story, while a person can also act as a character in that story. A character may be a letter of the alphabet or a symbol used daily on the keyboard before computer-using businessmen. Based on the definition in quotations above, this is not that type of character. Secondly, these statements are ironic considering who spoke them. Helen Keller was a blind and deaf woman who lived long ago, and Helen Keller lived the entirety of her life in quiet but certainly not in ease. Keller experienced trials and sufferings, and her ending was good character and a life-changing history that became known to all. One may ask the question still: What is character? Webster Dictionary defines the word described by Ms. Keller as: “one of the attributes or features that make up and distinguish an individual; the complex of mental and ethical traits marking and often individualizing a person, group, or nation.” In the viewing of Keller’s powerful remark, one can see that the soul can be strengthened through suffering, producing “good” character; ambition is inspired within a person enduring trials, leaving “good” character; success is achieved because of pain and difficulty, giving birth to “good” character. Character is more than a tear-jerking novel’s hero and character is no longer a number, letter, or sign.

The nourishment of a person’s spirit yields better character. An elderly woman and retired writer by the name of Alyce Faulkner states this: “Character is a result of knowing God and His working in our lives. There are many ‘nice and good’ people- people who have never done things that I have done, and from a humanistic point of view, have and display ‘good’ character.” Faulkner goes on to say that true character lies in the faith in a man called Jesus and the display of the apostle Paul’s “fruits of the Spirit.” These “fruits” are found in a lifestyle filled with love, patience, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Abstaining from the desire to give in to the temptation of selfishness makes endurance. Abstinence from selfishness allows a sense of tragedy to creep into the lives of all human beings because all human beings have the grand desire to grant oneself with pleasure. The strengthening of one’s soul is a result of the endurance of tragedy, and the strengthening of one’s soul leads to character. A man with character shows love to those around him, a man with character is patient. A man of character brings peace, has kindness, gives goodness, and practices faithfulness. A man with character exemplifies himself as a gentle man, and a man with character aims to be self-controlled.  

            Ambition is determination, desire, and motivation combined. Ambition allows the faintest of dreams and the quaintest of dreams to thrive and transform into reality. When an individual allows ambition to become a part of who they are and what they do, that person invites in prospection and excellent, promising chances to succeed. Without it one’s character may waver. Success is not always a consequence of solidity and ambition, but as one may have seen that endurance produces character, he may also see that ambition without achievement adds to that endurance, therefore resulting in right character. A man by the name of Thomas Edison created the incandescent light bulb in the year of 1880 after hundreds of attempts at it. At the beginning of his many tries, he remarked, “We are striking it big in the electric light, better than my vivid imagination first conceived. Where this thing is going to stop Lord only knows.” At the end of his hundreds of failures, Edison responded with weighing words: “If I find 10, 000 ways something won’t work, I haven’t failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.” Many who knew Thomas Edison knew that he was, indeed, a man of character, and his work and words proved it.  After observing Helen Keller’s description, one may see that this distinctive attribute is strictly necessary in “good” character’s classification, and ambition is a byproduct of real character.     

            Ambition often leads to success, but true success must be honest. A man with character is a man with integrity, and that sort of man will truly succeed in whatever he does. The wife of a Baptist pastor and a second grade teacher by the name of Michelle Ray testifies to what she believes to be genuine character.  She states that a person with character lives their life away from people to match their life in the midst of them. Her husband, she declares, lives his life in such a way. “I know a lot of marriages plagued with fear and insecurity. I have never had one day of fear or insecurity in marriage. I rest in God and in my husband’s integrity.” This man’s actions are a promising covenant to Mrs. Ray and an inspiration to others watching him.

            Helen Keller, Thomas Edison, and Pastor Ray are each examples of steady work and endurance; they are examples of the inspiration of ambition leading to success achieved. These things are things of character, and each man must strive toward goodness in order to be trusted and in order to be a man of “good,” upright, and unwavering character. 

Friday Night Food and Football Can Be Boring and Fun

     Esther #5 should be coming soon, but it's been so busy and today I just wanted to write about my day yesterday. I'm sorry that I'm rambling a bit.
    Our school has a new foreign exchange student named Tina, and she's from Poland. She's so adorable! I had seen her in choir before but hadn't actually talked to her until this past week. When I'd glance at her in choir she looked so lost, and it made me so sad! I think it's because Mrs. Dame talks so quickly and strangely and she's a bit insane. I hope she's enjoying herself, though. It all just really makes me think about different things... Different cultures, the different languages, different mindsets, different everything. I don't know if I'd be able to do what Tina's doing, but I also know that it's really going to be a good experience for her. I just hope she enjoys it right now. Anyway, my friend Alex came up with a plan to get together with Tina on Friday (yesterday).
    My friends Kelly (Alex's older sister), Hannah, Alex, and Micaela went with me and Tina after school to the old antique shop on our town's square. We wandered around for a little bit and then went to Ruby Tuesday's. It was a really great time! Tina was pestered with a million questions from all of us and we appreciated lots of laughter and smiles. After we finished eating, we headed to the game. Tina said that in Poland the only sport that's really popular and enjoyed is soccer, so she was (and probably still is) very confused by our sport of football. I wish that our team was talented, but since we're not, I'm sure the game wasn't the most exciting part of the evening for her.
    With only a few minutes left on the clock we left the game for some ice cream. We wanted to go to Spring Dipper, but it was closed already because the staff was at the game. We went to Dairy Queen and Tina and Micaela got chocolate ice cream cones. That was one of my favorite times of the night, and I feel like Tina opened up some then. We laughed a whole lot and she was blown away by the size "small" cone. I find it hilarious and sad that she and her peers generally view Americans as "fat and stupid." But that's life and thankfully that particular group of girls are neither fat nor stupid! Here are some shots of the afternoon!! I really hope Tina had a good time and that we can do something fun together soon, and I hope you enjoy the pictures!!

                                                   Tina & Micaela on the way to the game

                                                               Kelly & Tina at the game

                                                     Hannah & Kelly at Ruby Tuesday's

                                                          Micaela, Tina, & I at Ruby's

Esther (#4)

If you have not read the three posts before this, please do! They’re very interesting. This one is super duper wonderful though, just so you know.

The Book of Esther, Chapter 4

    When Mordecai learned all that had been done, he tore his clothes (During this time and for many, many years after this, people would tear their clothing and run through the streets as a sign of great mourning. It may sound like a big pity party or pout session going down, but in reality, it was very similar to someone thinking suicidal thoughts and entering deep, real depression in today’s world.), put on sackcloth and ashes, and went out in the midst of the city and wailed loudly and bitterly. He went as far as the king’s gate, for no one was to enter the king’s gate clothed in sackcloth.

    In each and every province where the king’s command and decree came, there was great mourning among the Jews, with much fasting (People do this today, but it usually is not referred to as fasting. The people were starving themselves because the knowledge of being attacked and killed soon was given to them, causing this sorrow.), weeping, and wailing. Many lay on sackcloth (rough cloth of camel’s hair, goat hair, hemp, cotton, or flax) and ashes. When Esther’s maidens and eunuchs came to tell her, the queen writhed in great anguish. Then she sent garments to clothe Mordecai, that he might remove his sackcloth from himself. But he did not accept them.

    Then Esther summoned Hathach from the king’s eunuchs, whom the king had appointed to attend her, and she ordered him to go to Mordecai to find out what this was for and why this was. So Hathach went out to Mordecai to the city square in front of the king’s gate. Mordecai told him all that had happened to him and the exact amount of money that Haman had promised to pay to the king’s treasuries for the destruction of the Jews. He also gave him a copy of the text of the edict which had been issued in Susa for their murder, so that he would show Esther and tell her and then order her to go in to the king to implore his favor and to plead with him for her people’s lives.

    So Hathach came back and relayed Mordecai’s words to Esther. Then Esther spoke to Hathach and ordered him to reply to Mordecai: “All of the king’s servants and the people of the king’s provinces know that for any man or woman who comes to the inner court where the king is without being summoned is to be put to death. This is unless the king holds out to him the golden scepter so that he may live. And I have not been summoned to come to the king for thirty days.”

    Mordecai’s reply to Esther was this: “Do not think that you, being in the king’s palace, can escape this any more than the other Jews can. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance with arise for the Jews from another place and you and your family will perish. And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?”

    Esther responded to Mordecai. “Go; assemble all the Jews who are found in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maidens will do the same, and thus I will go to the king, which is not according to the law. And if I perish, I perish.” So Mordecai went away and did just as Esther had commanded him. 

Esther (#3)

    Read the two posts before this if you haven't yet, please. When you see a "*" before a word, that means that there is an explanation for it too long to be placed directly there at the bottom of the post. 

The Book of Esther, Chapter 3 

    After these events, King Ahasuerus promoted Haman (the son of Hammedatha- the Agagite) and advanced him. He established his authority over all the princes who were with the king. All of the servants who were at the king’s gate bowed down and paid homage to Haman, for so the king had commanded. But Mordecai neither bowed down nor paid homage.

    Then the king’s servants who were at the king’s gate said to Mordecai, “Why are you transgressing the king’s command?”

    Now they continued to speak daily to him about the matter, and he would not listen to them. They then told Haman to see whether Mordecai’s reason would stand; for he had told them he was a Jew.

    When Haman saw that Mordecai neither bowed nor paid homage to him, he was filled with intense rage. But he disdained to lay hands on Mordecai alone, for they had told him who the people of Mordecai were; therefore, Haman sought to destroy all the Jews (the people of Mordecai) who were in the kingdom of Ahasuerus.

    In the twelfth year of King Ahsuerus, in the first month (Nisan), *Pur was cast before Haman from day to day and from month to month for entire year, until the month Adar. Then Haman said to King Ahasuerus, “There is a certain group of people scattered and dispersed throughout all the provinces of your kingdom whose laws are different from those of all other people and they do not observe the king’s laws, so it is not in the king’s interest to let them remain. If it is pleasing to the king, let it be decreed that they be destroyed, and I will pay ten thousand talents of silver to the men who carry out the king’s business, to put into the king’s treasuries.”

    Then the king took his signet ring (a ring with letters, usually one’s initials, or a design carved into it) from his hand and gave it to Haman, then enemy of the Jews. The king said to him, “The silver is yours and the people’s, to do with them as you please.”

    Then the king’s scribes were summoned on the thirteenth day of the first month, and it was written just as Haman commanded to the king’s satraps (the governors of provinces) and the princes of each people. It was written to each of the providences according to its own script and each people group according to their own language. It was written in the name of King Ahasuerus and sealed with his signet ring.

    Letters were sent by couriers (messengers who transport goods/documents) to all of the king’s provinces to destroy, kill, and annihilate all the Jews, both young and old, women and children, in one day (the thirteenth day of the month of Adar), and to seize their possessions as plunder (goods taken from people by force, typically in times of war or civil disorder).

    A copy of this edict was issued as law in every province, to all the people so they should be ready for this day. The couriers went out, impelled by the king’s command, while the decree was issued at the citadel in Susa; and while the king and Haman sat down to drink, the city of Susa was in confusion.

            *Pur was explained to me by my pastor, and instead of trying to take his words and explain from them, I’m going to let you read what he had to say! One would have to know the culture at the time that these events occurred to understand what it really means. “‘Pur’ refers to a Persian custom of consulting a qualified astrologer who was properly trained in a ritual of chance for the purpose of obtaining guidance from the gods. They were rolling the dice so to speak. Haman would ‘roll the dice’ and when the indication was right, he would seek the king on the authorization of the dice landing right. The king was more likely to receive his request favorably in the light of the official astrological report that the Pur fell in favor of Haman. As you see the king was induced to look favorably and without dispute on Haman’s request. What amazing persistence! He had the Pur cast every day from the first month until the twelfth month until he finally got what he wanted.”

I would really like to hear what you think about all of this!

Esther (#2)

Alrighty! Continuation time. If you haven't read the first of this "series," please do. It's just before this post (in case you didn't realize.)... 

The Book of Esther, Chapter 2 

    After these things when the anger of King Ahasuerus had subsided, he remembered Vashti and what she had done and what had been decreed against her. The king’s attendants who served him said, “Let beautiful, young virgins be sought for the king. Let him appoint overseers in all the provinces of his kingdom that they may gather every beautiful, young virgin to the citadel of Susa, to the harem, into the custody of Hegai (the king’s eunuch), who is in charge of the women; and let their cosmetics be given them.

    “Then let the young lady who pleases the king be queen in place of Vashti.” This matter pleased the king, and he did accordingly.

    Now at the citadel in Susa there was a Jew by the name of Mordecai, the son of Jair. He had been exiled from Jerusalem with the captives who had been exiled with Jeconiah, king of Judah (whom Nebuchadnezzar, the king of Babylon, had exiled.). Mordecai was bringing up Hadassah (that is Esther), his uncle’s daughter, for she had no father or mother. The young woman was beautiful of form and face (“Form” is referring to her figure.), and when her father and her mother died, Mordecai took her as his own daughter.

    When the command and decree of the king were heard and many young ladies were gathered to the citadel of Susa into the custody of Hegai, Esther was taken to the king’s palace into the custody of Hegai, who was in charge of the women. Now the young lady pleased him and found favor with him. So he quickly provided her with her cosmetics and food, gave her seven choir maids from the king’s palace, and transferred her and her maids to the best place in the harem.

    Esther did not make known her people or her kindred, for Mordecai had instructed her that she should not make them known. Everyday Mordecai walked back and forth in front of the court of the harem to learn how Esther was and how she fared (to perform in a specified way in a particular situation or over a particular period of time).

    Now when the turn of each young lady came to go in to King Ahasureus (after the end of her twelve months under regulations for the women [regulation was six months with oil of myrrh- see http://www.dermaxime.com/myrrh.htm - and six months with spices and cosmetics]), she would go in to the king’s palace with anything that she desired to take with her from the harem. In the evening she would go in and in the morning she would return to the second harem, to the custody of Shaashgaz (the king’s eunuch who was also in charge of the concubines [the mistresses]). She would not again go in to the king unless he delighted in her and she was, therefore, summoned by name.

    When the turn of Esther came to go in to the king, she did not request anything except what Hegai, the king’s eunuch in charge of the women, advised. And Esther found favor in the eyes of all who saw her.

    So Esther was taken to King Ahasuerus, to his royal palace in the tenth month (the month of Tebeth) during the seventh year of his reign. The king loved Esther more than all the other women, and she found favor and kindness with him (more than all the other virgins). She found so much kindness and favor with him that he set the royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti. Then the king gave a great banquet- Esther’s banquet-, for all his princes and his servants; he also made a holiday for the provinces and gave gifts according to his bounty.

    Mordecai was sitting at the king’s gate when the virgins were gathered together the second time. Esther had not yet made known her kindred or her people, as Mordecai had commanded her; for Esther did what Mordecai told her, as she had also done when he raised her. While Mordecai was sitting at the king’s gate, Bigthan and Teresh (two of the king’s officials that guarded the door) became angry and sought to lay hands on King Ahasuerus. But the plot became known to Mordecai, who told Queen Esther, and Esther informed the king in Mordecai’s name. Once the plot was investigated and found to be true, the two men were both hanged on a gallows (tree); and it was then recorded in the Book of the Chronicles in the king’s presence. 

Her Name Is Esther. It's a Good Story.

So, I'm reading Esther and I'm currently out of poems. That isn't exactly the case, but whatever. I have many writings I could share with y'all, but the pieces I have not already shared I do not want to share. I could write more, and I will get on that, but I want some really good inspiration first. My plan is to type out one chapter of the book of Esther every few days so you can read with me! I'm kind of ahead because I started reading a few days ago... I'm typing this from my NASB Bible, but some of the punctuation is changed and some of the name-listing is removed for better understanding and reading-flow. Please enjoy the Word of God!

The Book of Esther, Chapter 1

    Now it took place in the days of Ahasuerus, the Ahasuerus who reigned frmo India to Ethiopia over 127 provinces, in those days as King Ahasuerus sat on his royal throne which was at the citadel (a fortress, typically on high ground, protecting or dominating a city [not my definition, by the way. That's a Google-thanking.]) in Susa (located 150 miles from the Tigris River in Iran), in the third year of his reign he gave a banquet for all his princes and attendants, the army officers of Persia (in Southwestern Iran) and Media (Northwestern Iran), the nobles and the princes of his provinces being in his presence. And he displayed the riches of his royal glory and the splendor of his great majesty for many days, 180 days. 

    When these days were completed, the king gave a banquet lasting seven days for all the people who were present at the citadel in Susa, from the greatest to the least, in the court of the garden of the king's palace. There were hangings of fine white and violet linen held by cords of fine purple linen on silver rings and marble columns, and couches of gold and silver on a mosaic pavement of porphyry (a stone typically of a purple-red color; comes from the Greek word meaning, "purple."), marble, mother-of-pearl, and precious stones. Drinks were served in golden vessels of various kinds, and the royal wine was plentiful according to the king's bounty. The drinking was done according to the law, there was no compulsion, for so the king had given orders to each official of his household that he should do according to the desires of each person. 

    Queen Vashti also gave a banquet for the women in the palace which belonged to King Ahasuerus. On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded the seven eunuchs (castrated men employed as harem attendants/officials serving in certain Asian courts) who served in the presence of King Ahasuerus to bring Queen Vashti before the king with her royal crown in order to display her beauty to the people and the princes, for she was beautiful. But Queen Vashti refused to come at the king's command delivered by the eunuchs. Then the king became very angry and his wrath burned within him. The king then spoke to the wise men who understood the times, for it was custom of the king so to speak before all who knew law and justice and were close to him- the seven princes of Persia and Media who had access to the king's presence and sat in the first place of the kingdom. 

    "According to law, what is to be done with Queen Vashti because she did not obey the command of King Ahasuerus delivered by the eunuchs?" 

    In the presence of the king and the princes, Prince Memucan said, "Queen Vashti has wronged not only the king but also all the princes and all the peoples who are in all the provinces of King Ahasuerus. For the queen's conduct will become known to all the women, causing them to look with contempt on their husbands by saying, 'King Ahasuerus commanded Queen Vashti to be brought into his presence, but she did not come.' This day the ladies of Persia and Media who have heard of the queen's conduct will speak in the same way to all the king's princes, and there will be plenty of contempt and anger.

    "If it pleases the king, let a royal edict be issued by him and let it be written in the laws of Persia and Media- so that it cannot be repealed-, that Vashti  may no longer come into the presence of King Ahasuerus, and let the king give her royal position to another who is more worthy than she. When the king's edict which he will make is heard throughout his entire kingdom, great as it is, all women will give honor to their husbands, great and small." 

    This word pleased the king and the princes, and the king did as Memucan proposed. So he sent letters to all of his provinces, to each province according to its script and to every people according to their language, so that every man should be the master in his own house and the one who speaks in the language of his own people. 

Can You Help Me?

This is another poem written when I felt very little and saw very little hope. But let it be known, Christ can help me and has helped me and does help me and will continue to help me. It doesn't matter if I've not been able to see people in my life as a help at a point. When people hurt, they often focus on two things: the pain and themselves. We need to focus on Him, even when it aches. We just continue to show our need for God, with our selfishness and all. 

    Can you help me? I'm pleading, I'm pleading. Or am I really needing 

                                                                                time? 

    I answer your questions while you dissect my face. Is it helping? Is it 

                                                                              helping? 

    I don't want to cry, I don't want to shake. But your questions only end in this, don't you see? 

    Is it over, is it over? Or will it ever be over? 

    Are you doing this for me, or are you doing this for yourself? 

    You tell me you're trained, but how is 

                        they're 

one trained to do something like this? 

    These questions, these questions... My pencil breaks through, rips through, crashes through this paper. 

                                                                                                                                 across 

    Is it helping, is it helping? I'm pleading, I'm 

    leaving. 

Heya, Hubby. (I'm Not Ever Going to Call My Husband That...)

  My husband thinks about what he wants me to be like. I want to be everything he dreams of or will dream of one day. I like to think about him, but I like to think about knowing him even more. The following are dreams. . .

I want a man who can build things with his hands.

I want a man who can look past my failures and see the most beautiful woman he has ever known. 

I want a man who I can respect.

I want a man who will lovingly tell me where and how I’m failing and I want a man who will help me where and when I fail.

I want a man who can laugh at himself more than others, but I do want him to be able to laugh at others without worrying about offending somebody.

I want a man who will admit that he is scared, but I want a man who isn’t scared often. I want him to be the bravest person I have ever met, and I want him to be the most God-fearing man I have ever spoken with. I want him to recognize courage.

I want a man who writes. I care not if he is talented, but I want him to write because he wants to write. I want him to write about his thoughts and his observations and his surroundings and his passions, but I want him to voice his insecurities rather than write them, or learn to one day.

I want a man who does not care what other people think, but I do want a man who is caring.

I want a man my dad will respect greatly.

I want a man who is always learning. I want a man who will encourage me to learn, as well, and I want a man who will constantly teach me.

I want a man who wants adventure, and I want a man who will take me to adventure or who will make adventure out of everything.

I want a man who thinks more than he speaks.

I want a man who knows commitment.

I want a man who weighs more than 170 lbs., please.

I want a man who does not bring those around him down with negativity, but I want a man who does not run from the truth, even if it feels or seems negative.

I want a gentleman, I want a wise man, I want a kind man, I want an honest man, and I want a romantic man.

I want a man who is calming.

I want a man who thinks pregnant women are the most adorable things he’s ever seen.

I want a man who makes me laugh, even if he isn’t funny.

I want a man who finds new ways to tell me and show me that I am beautiful the more time I spend with him.

I want a man who loves children. 

I want a man who is very encouraging. 

I want a man who isn’t scared to lead.

I want a man who my family will absolutely adore.

I want a man who is hard-working.

I want a man who loves to dance. 

For You

     Your magnificent beauty sweeps me off my feet. Keep shining, keep showing Your glory. It amazes me. You sustain me. I no longer must worry, no longer fear. You hold me, You change me, You make me beautiful. You are strength, You are comfort. You bring me overwhelming joy, and I must thank You. You hold my head up, facing Your skies. 
     Painter, hand-maker, my sweet Creator. Powerful, different, the dearest Author. Father, Your glory is no secret. Listener, keeper of my heart.  

Track 11

Run, run, coward, run.
Speak, speak, fool, speak.
Realize, scoffer, realize.
Realize.
You can't help it, can you? You don't want it, do you? You won't see it, will you?
Real lies.
You listen with your voice. I watch it with my ears. Journey with the heart. Speak with our eyes.

Mission Uptown

     So, I just got back from Chicago on a mission trip with my youth group. We left last Sunday at eight and got back Saturday night. I want to share some of the things I enjoyed and learned and hope you enjoy and learn from reading them, even through my scattering!

     First of all, I would like to share that I am a bit of a perfume-addict. My friends make fun of me because I own so many different types and when I go to the mall, I run for places that sell perfume; when I meet somebody, I talk about their scent; when I smell bad, I smell trouble. I love to be clean and I cannot stand bad breath. Three bathrooms were in the building we stayed in, and thirty-two people from our church came on the trip. This means there were three showers, three toilets, three sinks, three tiny rooms in which one could find some privacy, approximately ten boys who thought they could go without a couple (or three) showers every few days since we really didn't have much room, time, or hot water. This resulted in an Emily who was placed, already, pretty far outside of her comfort level. The most funny thing about this is that it's what I asked for. Before the trip, I asked God to make me as uncomfortable as possible. I wanted to be on my toes and needing to run to Him just about every second of the week. That's about what I got, too. 

     Almost every night our group met in the main area of this place we stayed in and had a devotional, talked about different things we should or we did learn about, laughed, worshipped through song, and just had a meeting time of fellowship in general. After we arrived in Uptown Sunday evening, Cory, our youth pastor, gave us all time to settle in. We were all so tired of the bus and were so glad to be able to start our week together! God knew the week had already started, as well as His work. We met that evening and decided to leave at 7 o'clock the next morning for breakfast. That meant I was getting up 6:30 a.m. I should've mentioned that I'm also a sleep-addict. I lay down to rest around 11:30 p.m. 

     I won't go into the boring details much anymore, so be grateful. But it is not because I am sparing you- it is because I have a terrible memory. Enjoy it. 

     I'm going to explain our day's routine and then continue with the more important things. This goes for just about each day of the week. 

     1. Get up. 

     2. Get ready. 

     3. Eat breakfast. 

     4. Walk to Uptown Baptist for Pastor Allen's morning devotional. 

     5. Allow and enjoy the walk/tour he proceeded to give of the area. 

     6. Work on different jobs in smaller groups like painting for the church and talking and praying with people on the street. 

     7. Walk to lunch. 

     8. Gather things needed to work for the day. 

     9. Be split up into your groups and walk to the places the jobs should be done. (Monday my group went to The People's Music School and helped how the woman in charge told us we could.) 

     10. Walk to supper. 

     11. Go back to the rooms and start the showers. 

     12. Around 10 o'clock we would meet and 11 or a little bit after was lights out. 

     Okay, that's now out of the way. Monday evening there was a "Monday Night Meal" at Uptown Baptist, and our church's praise band helped in the leading of the music-worship. That was a bit uncomfortable because we were expecting microphones and the such to be used, and we hadn't gotten to practice with everybody in the group yet. Because we kept our eyes on Jesus, though, Christ was glorified. After the music time we invited the people to come to the front and pray with us. I prayed with a woman by the name of Ruby. When that was finished the music leader, Tim, gave a little sermon. Humorously yet sadly, he was interrupted several times because of a man by the name of Walter- Hallelujah Walter is what he's known as. Walter wanted Tim to share what God meant by sincerity in the verse he was going over. After the service we passed out hygiene packs to all of the people, and it was powerful to see how many were so, so grateful for them and for us. 

     Tuesday, after lunch, I went with Jerold (a great man from the church who helped us with many different things, including showing us how to get from place to place in the city), Brandon Harris, his daughter, Abbi Harris, and Kat VonAllmen to do puppets in the park for the children. I was very excited about having the opportunity to do this because I love children. I knew I would not be dealing with children much throughout the week and excitingly pounced at the idea of it. As we were walking to the park we saw a group of about six or seven elderly people and decided we'd stop by and do a show for them and talk with them. We gathered around and asked if they'd be alright with it, and they approved with their sweet smiles. After we performed a few songs (Kat and I are buff now from holding our arms up for so long!), we turned the music off and took the puppets over to them, sat, and talked with them. Turns out they were all Russian people, and each was Jewish. They'd met and were friends because all of them lived in the apartments across the street and had the Russian-Jew bit in common. They sat in that little park every day that the weather was nice and enjoyed the time spent with each other. A few of them did not know English at all and needed the others who did to translate for them. The woman I talked with the most and sat next to knew the most English of the group, but she still had trouble understanding some things that were said. It was so nice to just sit with them and get to know them!! One woman who Kat talked to a lot had such a good time playing with the bright red bird puppet, and she put on a nice little show for us. We couldn't exactly understand most of what she was saying because she said most of it in Russian, but every person there laughed and had a wonderful time. The woman I spoke with had the name of Beckay (It's pronounced strangely...) and had been in Chicago for nineteen years. She has a daughter who is fifty-three and a grandson who is 25 (Does that tell you anything about how old each elder was? They were all in their 70's or 80's. The man, who mainly talked with Jerold and Brandon, was 86!). About four months ago Beckay's husband passed away. Hearing that after getting to know the woman a little just made my heart hurt; I encourage you who are believers to pray for her and for the other people there. Wonderfully, she said that her daughter and grandson visit her about three times-a-day most days, and she enjoys that a lot.

     At one point, I asked Beckay if she had any hobbies, and her response was, "Ehhh... Vaht's a hobby?" I giggled and said, "It's something you like to do! Singing, reading, dancing..." She said, "Oh! Television? I like television and concert." The sweet woman shared that when she was younger, she enjoyed dancing a lot. She, as well as the other women, would not stop saying how beautiful they thought we were and how happy and grateful they were that we had come to talk with them. I could tell they were all lonely, despite their relationships with each other, and they thought it was so, so great that young people would come and do that for them. "Beautiful, beautiful young girls! Such sweet, beautiful, young girls!!" I couldn't say how many times I heard that come out of their mouths. Before we left I asked if we could pray for them, and they agreed to allowing that. Though most couldn't understand much of what I prayed, they still were thankful and all grins before and after I prayed. I gave each of them a huge hug before we left, and when I hugged Beckay, she wouldn't let go of me. When I embraced the old man, he gave me a kiss on the cheek! This part of my day was one of my favorite parts of the week. After we left the elderly people, we set out to find some children in the park we'd originally gone to find. We found a very, very small group of kids playing and stopped to do some songs for them. Pretty quickly after we showed up and started, one little boy ran over and started dancing to the puppet music. A dad (We later found out that he is from Ethiopia.) brought his two sons over and they went back and forth between smiling out of enjoyment and hiding their heads behind him because they were scared and/or shy. After we did a couple songs, we took the puppets out to them and let them play with and pet them. The dancing boy started out not saying a word to me, but then he began to nod and shake his head. This led to the occasional, "yes," and "no," and then he began saying things like, "Play!" and "Let's swing!!" He had chubby, chubby cheeks and such cute, buck teeth. I played with him for a little bit and then gave him a goodbye-hug because we were heading to some apartments to paint. We walked to the place with Jerold's help and then he left us to do our work. Once we finished we headed back to the church and met the group for supper. Cory treated us with some Chicago pizza, and that turned out to be delicious. I hardly finished one piece...
     On the way over, we road the subway, and it was packed. A busy time of the evening meant most people in our group didn't have seats, and those who did sat by strangers. Once more people starting getting on, it became so crowded that I decided to ask a Philippino woman who I had noticed if I could sit down next to her. We began talking and I shared that I was with my youth group and shared some of the things that we had been doing. She thought it was so great that young people would come and do that, especially willingly and with good attitudes. It was very hard to understand her since she had such a thick accent, but the more I talked with her, the better I could understand her.
   
     She said to me at one point, "So, you are professing Christianity?"
     I said, "Yes, ma'am!"
     Her response was powerful. "I love Jesus Christ."

     I was not expecting to be speaking with a bold witness of our Savior. It's not like I thought she was a lost person, especially for any particular reason, but I was moved by her words.
     She began to tell me about different churches she had been to and shared some stories with me about different ones, and I really enjoyed that. I'm not sure if she has a church home at this time, but I have been hoping and praying since I spoke with her that our conversation sparked something in her. It made me so joyful that she kept saying to me how wonderful and how beautiful she thought I was. I could really tell that she appreciated me, and she couldn't express it how she wanted to. It may sound crazy, but if God ever brought me to her again in this lifetime, I wouldn't want to allow our relationship to cease. She asked about my family and I told her with a smile. I then asked if she had any children, and she said, "No... I could adopt you!" We both laughed, but on the inside I ached. I could already tell that she is a lonely woman, and I wanted to help her. We talked the entire ride, but finally it was time for her to get off. I miss her, but I pray for her and would appreciate it if you began to pray for her, as well.
     After we got back, I, along with five other girls, went to the women's homeless shelter and helped out there. The women's shelter is held in the church building. We cooked their supper, got to know some of the beautiful ladies, and finished the night with cleaning up and giving everyone hugs. By the time we got back to the rooms it was about 11 o'clock and we were all exhausted. Cory decided we'd skip the meeting because everyone was so tired and it was late.
     Wednesday morning our team's praise band led worship through song before Pastor Allen's devotional. That afternoon a smaller group of us stood on the streets outside of Uptown Baptist with tables set up and handed out free water and produce (The produce consisted of carrots and lettuce.). As people passed by, we began to engage them in conversation. Our goal was to be a light for Christ, and I believe that goal was reached. We got to know those street people of Chicago and prayed over whoever let us. After we had supper that evening, we hung out at the rooms for a little bit and then walked to the church. The family set up tables with water at each of the four street corners in front of the church and our praise team sat at the church's front steps, singing praises to God as loud as we could. My voice was so hoarse in the middle of that hour and a half, but the more I sang after a certain point, the stronger it became. We had a meeting that night in closing.
     Thursday was similar to the previous days as far as the typical routine, and in the afternoon I helped paint in the church's nursery and then headed to the beach with some of the others, carrying puppets and excitement for the day. The happenings at the beach went pretty well, and afterward we went to eat and another group of people went to the homeless shelters that night. People who had already been went to beach and swam, and that was definitely a fun time.
     By the time Friday arrived, our group was so, so tired, yet so, so peaceful. After lunch I went with some kids and cleaned up an 85-year-old woman's yard, which took a lot of work. I might add that she had 54 cats! Anyway, that went pretty well, but when she pulled up in her car and got out, her first words were, "Oh, dear me..." It was a bit discouraging, because we had worked so hard, but after we all talked and thought about it later, we realized it didn't matter and since we'd helped her in the long run, the job payed off. After we finished we went to back to the rooms and the entire team had the luxury of going to the beach for the evening. We played beach volleyball, I was buried in the sand, and we swam around for a while. When we went back to our staying area, we ordered some Papa John's pizza and had a good time of fellowship with each other. The week was such a wonderful blessing. 

Track 10

    A friend of mine asked me to tell a story earlier today, so as I was sitting on my bed in another friend's star-and-moon-covered pajama pants, I wanted to create something brief that captured a child-like innocence, filled with wonder and curiosity. Those things inspired me, but as funny as it may sound, the smiling, sleepy moon faces on the pants also inspired me. I don't know if one would call this a story or a poem or just a goofy word from myself, but I wanted to share with my readers! It's a bit sloppy but I enjoy it and its simplicity quite a bit. You may need to read it a couple times to really appreciate it; I know I did. I hope you like it!! I would love feedback! 



"The moon is often bright when it's about two o'clock in the morning. Sometimes the clouds are hiding its beauty, but not because they're mean. Sometimes it's facing the side of the world that we all wish we could go. I wonder if we really want to go there just because we'd be given the chance to see the moon from another perspective. Anyway, I think the moon likes to smile. I think that moon up there grins from one circle-side to the other, and if she had a body, I bet the cute thing would throw her moon-head back, and these people down here would talk about what scientific wonder or what space dilemma caused it. She'd keep up her floatin' and giggle, because we don't realize that it's all so simple. I'd like to think she lies around and hums such calming music, and she's always wished she could twirl around at speeds like those neighboring stars that shoot past her. She doesn't wish she could walk or fly or run, she doesn't sigh about tomorrow or what she's unable to do yesterday. She's a wishing moon and a content moon, and she really likes where she is. You may think I'm crazy, but I think you're stubborn. I think you grew up too quickly and your eyes can't see past your constant hand's covering of them. One day I'd like to go visit the moon. . . I wouldn't chat with her, but I'd probably dance with her. And I think she'd just smile, contently and beautifully, and wonder why more people don't ask her to dance." 

                                 (It reminded me of this children's book I used to read!) 

Track 09

    My insides feel as though someone is tearing them apart from the inside. 
    My insides feel. 
    My hands work the way a new animal cries and 
    tries for its mother. 
    My hands work. 
    My heart beats to the rhythm of this dripping faucet and the steps of the blind. 
    My heart beats. 
    My soul cares for the sick and the pained and the lost and the angry and the blaming. 
    My soul cares. 
    My mind flies like the hand of the inspired, composing author.  

Track 08

I think there's a piano in the sky, playing music for all the world. I think a piano is in the sky, crashing with the thunder, pouring with the rain, shining with the sun, flying with the birds. The notes are our thoughts, our literature, our strengths and our weaknesses; The chords are our relationships, our sentences, our apologies, our kindness. We dance and we sing and we love and we strive. I think there's a piano in the sky, making music for all to hear. I think a piano is in the sky, sounding music for all to feel.

Track 07

    This story is the same, this truth like any other. Have you read it? 
                                                                                                                 into 
    Have you heard it? 
                            all of 
My fear sure is captivating, do you not agree? Was this the reason for your force? Or did it just excite you? 
                                                                                                                                                     does 
    Maybe you'd like to wallow in it, to com                    mit again and again. Maybe I just need to stop. Or to keep on going, to keep on moving, to go on forward, to not fall 
                                                                                                                            back. 


    I wish I could let you go, but my force isn't quite as strong as yours. 
    Or maybe your force isn't strong at all, maybe this is my fault. 
    I shouldn't have been so naive, shouldn't have been so calm.
    I guess I thought you saw me screaming. 




This poem doesn't have a title and probably doesn't even need one. For anyone reading, this was written a long time ago and what is said is said because of a hard time that I had gone through in my lifetime. So many times, I did not see much hope for anything, including myself. This is evident in many of my writings, including this one. If I share them, it is not necessarily because I am being haunted or want pity. It is just my sharing of some of my poetry. Christ has brought me a long way and helped me to conquer the hurt and fear that I allowed myself to nearly be consumed by. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful evening!